


Running.

by duaa



Series: the ocean [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Falling Out of Love, M/M, Morally Neutral Morality | Patton Sanders, Sympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Weed mention, kale mention, patton's kinda like that one bitchy friend yk, yall be safe from greens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:08:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23053717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duaa/pseuds/duaa
Summary: Virgil had a job, a steady boyfriend, a close knit group of friends from highschool. He was privileged and had it all, a nice and desirable life.Was it what he wanted?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit Sanders
Series: the ocean [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1656805
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	Running.

Virgil stared at the ceiling above him - listless eyes blankly following the sluggish movement of the dusty fan whirring above him. He felt hollow, so treacherously hollow, an ache so deep in his bones for _something_ , anything. Everyday was just routine, he felt like clockwork doll; wound up, so tight and compressed, so desperately trying to fit everything in, until his spring was all loose and free. This wasn't the life he thought he would live when he was a kid. Fuck, this wasn't the life he thought he would live a year ago - monotonously going about his shitty, boring life. He woke up everyday at ten in the morning (ugh), drank the same old shitty decaf (ugh), clocked in everyday at ten forty (ugh), saw the same people everyday (ugh), ate the same food from the same place (ugh), saw his boyfriend everyday (ugh).

He didn't want this. He didn't want to live like this. He didn't want Dorian to become just _another_ thing he had to do. He didn't want to sit at a computer and design logos. He didn't want to meet his ~~godawful shitty arsehole of a friend~~ highschool best friend, Patton, everyday. He didn't want to drink decaf everyday. He didn't want to hear about whatever Dorian and Remus did. He didn't want to see Logan and Roman ~~so in love and happy and passionate and unique and never something he could have~~ everyday. 

He didn't want he didn't want he didn't want. ~~He got he got he got~~.

He tried talking to Patton about it. Said he didn't love Dorian anymore. Couldn't bear to see his hopeful face and feel nothing. Said he wanted to leave this town and run away. Change his identity. Be free.

_"Well that's just your problem, isn't it? I mean, it's your life. You made it very clear that I should mind my own business."_

It was his life. Should still be his, but he felt like a vessel. Empty. Useless.

So here he was, hiding in the guest room in his own house, a wall separating Routine and him. He knew Dorian would wake up alone, confused. He knew he would pull some bullshit out of his ass about his absence. Dorian would smile and instead of being endeared or smitten he would be annoyed. People like Dorian deserved better than Virgil. People like Virgil ~~needed~~ deserved freedom. Dorian had been perfect. Virgil used to be enamoured with his sly smirk, his low lidded eyes. He loved how exciting it was with him, how nothing was ever the same, how the only constant was them. His world used to revolve around Dorian. Until it didn't. 

Now, Dorian smiled so bright he almost radiated heat, his eyes so wide and full of affection. If Virgil was an empty cup, Dorian was overflowing, spilling form his love for Virgil, the appreciation, the worshipping. He used to look at Virgil like he was an enigma. Now he looked at Virgil like he was the answer to the universe. Stars in his eyes, soft, domesticity. His facade was long gone, mask dropped so far behind. He let Virgil in, broke down his own walls. Now all Virgil wanted to do was claw his way out.

This warmth, this domestic love - it was smothering him. He felt like he couldn't breath, chest so heavy with _this_. It weighed him down, to know exactly what was waiting for him in the next minute, hour, month, year. He thought it would be better like this - nothing could go wrong with something so intricately balanced and fixed in stone, no wrench could be thrown in this; he hadn't accounted for his very soul slipping out due to this. It was draining the life out of him, he could barely sleep, but now his mind was plagued with thoughts of routines and dreams of freedom. 

He often caught himself wishing for the most absurd things, maybe Dorian would cheat on him, maybe he would cheat on Dorian, maybe someone would die, maybe Patton would finally snap and kill them all. The last one was more for his amusement than anything, Patton was nice, too nice. Like rock candy, it seems nice and sweet in the start, but it's just sugary poison. He could script out everything Patton would ever say and he would be spot on, from the beat of his voice to when he would pause for breath. Sometimes he would mouth Patton's words as he spoke them.

He just wanted out. 

He would go to some place bustling with people, always changing and moving forward. He would rent out a small apartment, he would know more than his close group in highschool, he would get out there a bit more. Maybe someplace with the ocean. The ocean was constantly changing - just barely predictable. He would swim out every night. Maybe go skinny dipping with some people who would barely know him. Maybe he would take up a night shift as a bartender. Maybe he would try things like kale or weed.

He heard his bed creaking, Dorian could be stirring. He only had a few minutes before Dorian came looking for him, adrenaline shot through him like a bullet and he rocketed out of bed. Pulled on his jacket and shoes, barely grabbed his wallet as he heard Dorian yawn. He paused for a second.

He could go back, Dorian would smile at him, warm and soft and sleepy, and pull him back to bed. He would wake up that morning, quit his job and do something else. He could make amends with Patton and maybe he would stop being so insufferable. He and Dorian could maybe try to switch it up, not be so lovey dovey all the damn time. He would ask Dorian to marry him down the line, Dorian would fling his small body at Virgil, they'd go tumbling to the floor. 

He could make this work. He didn't have to run away from his problems, he could still get his ocean here. Maybe there was hope just yet...

"Virgil?" 

And he was out the door, heart racing as he bound down the stairs, skipping one and almost slipping, He ran out of their neighbourhood, past Roman and Logan's luxurious garden, ignored the cafe he and Patton met up in and stopped near the metro station. He looked at the ticket counter, and ran straight past it. He kept running, running, running until he reached the outskirts of his district near the old airport. He could hear the whoosh of planes flying above him. He felt his phone vibrate, probably from Dorian. He would have to go back, explain. He would have to cut off loose ends - just not now. 

For now, he was running to the ocean.

**Author's Note:**

> lmk if you see a typo! hope you like it ❤️💕


End file.
